Welcome back Wolf 359 friends and fans to another installment of Wolf 359 Daily! It’s November 28, Mission Day 553, a very happy Thanksgiving to our American listeners! Today we’ll be talking about Mission Mishaps 6: “Cold Turkey” and Episode 10: “Extreme Danger Bug”.
As it’s Turkey Day, I think it appropriate that we start with “Cold Turkey.” Part of the Mission Mishaps collection of mini-episodes, this installment was written by Scotty Shoemaker, voice of Mr. Cutter. I love that the Mission Mishaps included writing credits from several members of the Wolf 359 cast, such as Zach Libresco and Noah Masur’s “No Complaints” and Michelle Agresti’s “Happy Holidays” (while not on our schedule, we’ll definitely find time to talk about them at some point!) This episode sees Eiffel put in charge of producing Thanksgiving dinner for the crew. Regrettably, Eiffel has only a vague idea of how to actually prepare Thanksgiving dinner, and is attempting to make it primarily out of Spam.
And yes, we did catch that “Spam, Spam, baked beans, and Spam” bit. I see you, Scotty.
Also, I know that November 28, 2014 would not have actually been Thanksgiving that year, it would’ve been the 27th, but I’m following the stated mission days, not logic, fight me.
Gotta say, given how things are about to start ramping from Christmas on, it’s nice to have a little low-stakes dilemma on the ship. Well, low-stakes to the average person. Missing out on Thanksgiving turkey sounds like a category 55 emergency doomsday crisis for Eiffel. Honestly, can’t blame him. Last night I realized I’d forgotten to get whipping cream and, against all better judgement, found that I’d rather brave the wildebeest stampede of other last-minute shoppers than have pie without whipped cream.
Speaking of pie, what a great moment for Dr. Hilbert. I don’t know that we’ve heard him be as emotionally invested in anything the way he was about the pecan pie he had in Waco, Texas. However morally questionable and ethically dubious he may be, deep down inside he’s just a guy who really likes pecan pie. Nevermind what he was doing in Waco or when he was there, I’m sure it was totally normal.
Also, gotta love that the number 1 way to keep Eiffel out of the way is to tell him to do something. This was employed to great effect by Commander Minkowski in “Cold Turkey” though unfortunately was also behind the near-disaster of “Extreme Danger Bug”.
Alright, “Extreme Danger Bug!” What an exciting episode, full of future goodies. Thanks to Eiffel failing to depressurize a nitrogen tank (like he was told to), the crew ends up accidentally blowing a hole in the wall of the station. Sort of. Fortunately for them, there was an undisclosed laboratory on the other side of the wall they wrecked, so they were not immediately suffocated in the vacuum of space. But then, no one’s going to like what they find inside very much. Besides the eponymous extreme danger bug, we get our first mention of Captain Lovelace via Dr. Elias Selberg’s lab notes.
Man, Hilbert had to be sweating when they found that lab. Of course, there’s nothing yet to indicate that he is also Dr. Selberg, but we’ve now had whispers of Lovelace’s voice, and had her name mentioned, along with Selberg and Fourier. The story of the last Hephaestus mission is drawing in, and I’m so excited for when we get there.
In retrospect, maybe some things should’ve hinted that Hilbert knew a bit more about that room than he let on. I mean, he had antivenom. On a spaceship. And even though Minkowski’s the one who reads the log, listening back it’s just so... Hilbert’s voice, y’know? But then, listening to this episode with hindsight has me very judgmental about everything Hilbert does. Of course you knew right where the light switch was, you would, wouldn’t you?
As for the nightmare death spider, hoo boy, did that make for a fun episode. And no, we’re not gonna talk about how spiders don’t have stingers, this is an Alexander Hilbert original. That guy managed to turn greenhouse samples into a sapient plant monster capable of language and mind control, he can make a spider with a stinger if he wants to.
But man, the tension in this episode! I mean, I am no great lover of spiders, I respect their ecological importance, I’d just prefer if they never ever touched me ever. So the thought of having an incredibly large, highly toxic spider with a massive stinger anywhere within 8 lightyears of me would cause me concern, let alone having it hanging out under my shirt. Every time I listen, I catch myself holding my breath along with Eiffel as Hilbert gives him the whole “don’t even flinch” spiel. And then, Minkowski’s eventual solution to the problem has to be in the top 10 Minkowski moments of all time. Hilbert’s messing around with antivenom and trying to suffocate the spider, and she just rolls up with a gun. What a contingency plan.
We’re also not gonna talk about how wise it is to fire a gun at a spider on a spaceship, this episode was too fun for me to sit here Um Actually-ing everything too hard.
And before we wrap up, today is also the anniversary of the crew’s first Thanksgiving on Mission Day 188, as seen in “Memoria.” So, if you want to hurt your feelings today, give that one a re-listen too.
We’ve got one more episode before the Christmas gauntlet: “Am I Alone Now?” This also doesn’t have a mission day, and I’ve got some travel coming up at the start of next month, so we’re going to pencil this one in for December 22. We hope you’ll join us then!
Today’s rejected Pryce & Carter tip:
Some say the world ends in fire. Others say ice. From what I've tasted of your pasta, I hold with those who favor hull breach in your room.
Wolf 359 Daily is written and recorded by Rina Cerame.
Wolf 359 is a product of Kinda Evil Genius Productions. More information on the show can be found on their website at wolf359.fm
We hope you’ll join us again on December 22 for Episode 11: “Am I Alone Now?” Thanks for listening!
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